Are Dating Apps Ruining Romance?

From Meet Cutes And Actual Dates To Snapchat And Tinder, Are Dating Apps Ruining Our Chances At Actual Relationships?

By Sophia LaRocca

Published, August 11th, 2024

Carrie Bradshaw once called the nineties “The age of Uninnocense.” Well, If the nineties was the age of uninnocence, I don’t want to know what the hell we’re living in now.

After my breakup, it took me a while, but I finally got back onto the dating app horse. But not for the reason you’re thinking. Not to find love, or a hookup, but for research for lack of better word. The question has been running through my mind for a very long time.

“Are dating apps ruining romance?”

What an intriguing thought.

From meet cutes to dating apps… where was the disconnect?

Now granted, there was always shitty guys. But with dating apps… it’s a little more obvious.

So in very Carrie Bradshaw fashion, I put up my hair, downloaded two apps, and decided to get back to work. Instead of lighting up a cigarette, I grabbed my ice coffee, opened my computer, and prayed for the best. Now a month and a half after being on these two apps, I’ve gathered some information, ladies.

So far I’ve had one “crush.” (Didn’t last long, he was a tattooed workaholic. God, he was gorgeous.) I had one a year older, one a year younger, the gym rat, the poet, and the sex addict. Yep. That was my roaster. Aren’t they winners? Granted, we all have our flaws, but talking to someone through a screen is a lot easier then talking to someone in person. (Especially if you’re a shameless asshole.)

Need a drink yet? Good, so do I. Go get one, because it gets better.

Talking a month to these men I have not got asked to go out on one date. Not one. I got asked to go out for a drink the first time last night by a guy I was talking to for fifteen minutes. So is that the trick? As soon you start talking, immediately ask them out? So you don’t fall into that weird habit of virtual friends with benefits? Because that’s what it’s like! Friends with benefits! And you don’t even get the benefits, because it’s virtual! So tell me, what’s the trick? Because it seems that if you are on the same level as these guys and want to just hookup, you’re a ‘bop’ or a slut. But, if you actually want to get to know someone, you’re either immidetly blocked, ghosted, or worse, pressured to do something you’re uncomftoble with. Like sending pics. And if you do that, right away you go from prude to slut in a matter of seconds. We can’t win!

So the question remains… what do guys in their twenties want?

Because surely dating apps has made it easier to meet people, but a lot more complicated in the romance department. I went out with two of my best guy friends a couple of days ago, and to put the last finishing touches on this article, I asked them my ever so pressing question. Keep in mind, both are extremely intelligent, one even a marine.

They both told me that dating apps to them have become like shopping, which I thought was quite the comparison! It is purely based on looks! It’s shallow. And it’s not our faults, it’s what they’ve done to us. They both said that in person, you’re more likely to give someone a chance when it comes to other things other then looks, but online when you’re swiping, it’s purely based on looks because that’s all you see! Let’s not even talk about the fact that they both said it’s become more intimidating to go up to a woman in person because of all the stuff they see on social media. Women stating, “If you see me in person, don’t come up and talk to me.” I’d like to ask those women one question… what’s the matter with you? A young, attractive man comes up to talk to you and what do you say? “Fuck off?”

Another point they brought up is something I was thinking as well. Everyone is so accessible to everyone, that meeting someone in person is not only rare, but not needed. And I’m sorry, but isn’t that sad!

There are no meet cutes on dating apps despite what they say, and to be quite frank, I believe that dating apps have sometimes made it harder to find someone! Hear me out.

You see a cute guy at your local island coffee shop, right? (Totally not speaking from experience here.) He is stunning, looks a bit like one of your celeb crushes with a Stockton sweater and is probably majoring in finance. You’re trying everything to get him to look up from his computer and at you until you watch him open up his phone, go on Tinder, and start swiping.

Hello! Girl of your dreams right here! Right in front of you! Instead, he’s stuck in an app, settling for girls who will just ask for his snapchat and probably ghost him. (No shade.)

A meet cute was right there, I was so close! It makes you wonder how many meet cutes you’re close to a day that you don’t get because of dating apps or this new found fear men have of going up to women in public,.Guess we’ll have to do it ourselves now, ladies.

I find it quite interesting. There was this guy I was talking to, and for the love of God, I couldn’t get him off of Snapchat! I kept asking about meeting up and I got “soon.” He didn’t seem like he had anything to hide, I have all his social medias. So what is it? His snap score is not high at all, and I know he’s real because well… I’ve seen him. (Multiple parts of him.) He’s been doing the ever so attractive withholding game, and with my new found confidence and love for journalism, I decided to do some digging. So rather then giving him exactly what he wanted like I’ve been, I decided to pull back

And oh how he came crawling. I told him that he was all talk… and he declined. But he was. From the start I always knew that if a man wanted to see you, he would. So he could talk all he wanted, and send as many snaps as he wanted, but I knew his game. I was just playing like I wasn’t. Until I flipped a switch and he realized I knew what he was doing all along. So I did it back. And they don’t like that, do they,

It’s not manipulations, it’s… journalism. If they could do that, why can’t we? The lies this man has told me. That I’m his, and the only girl he’s talking to, and that he wants to be with me. Then do it. Little does he know, I know what he’s doing, and I could play the game too.

I don’t care much, maybe a little part of me does, but I never allowed myself to think about him. Fall for him. None of that. I have completely not attached myself to this person and that is why it is so easy for me. That’s the trick. If we don’t allow ourselves to get attached to these men, we won’t get hurt. Makes picking out the assholes a little easier. If we attach to only a few and not all… we’ll be a little better off.

Now I hold the cards, and I like it.

Call it… the studying of the male mind! Well, the studying of the male twenty-something’s mind. It’s like experimenting on rats. These twenty-something men are like nothing I’ve ever seen before. And I want to know if dating apps are really worth it. Are they ruining romance? How could you be romantic over text? Or are they making us lazy?

Are they making these men so lazy that they don’t even need in-person hookups?

Or, are they getting it in person and then coming to you on snap for seconds?

It makes you wonder how many women are second choice and don’t even know it because of dating apps!

Like the guy I mentioned before. He’s in great shape, very handsome. You’re not telling me that girls don’t throw themselves at him. And he doesn’t accept? What does he say? “Oh, I’m loyal to my Snapchat whore?” No fucking way. If you’ve been talking to a man on snapchat for two months and he has not mentioned that he wants to take you out, or does and responds that he can’t yet because of ‘work’, you are his Snapchat whore.

You are entertainment.

I am so tired of seeing these girls my age meet these ”great” guys who are walking red flags on dating apps, and suddenly falling into this rabbit hole of virtual friends with benefits. The guy is getting it somewhere! And he’s not getting it from you!

And believe me, there are exceptions to this rule! My ex boyfriend—the asshole that he was—we met on Tinder. And the begining of our relationship was great! I’m not saying it can’t be done. I’m saying what are we settling for? We have our faces in these apps all day and we’re not looking at what is right in front of us.

Their are some great guys on these apps, I know, I’ve met them. And believe it or not, I care a lot about these two guys I’m talking too. The other ones, not so much. The reason I don’t care or get attatched to the other ones is because I know their games. And I play it. The other two are genuine. And I like them. A lot. (And no, you’re not a slut for talking to multiple guys.)

I want to end this article on two things.

One; A complied list of the best (most gross) pickup lines I’ve gotten so far and you tell me if a man would say this to you in person.

Two; Something very important a guy I was talking to told me.

Here’s the pickup lines.

“You got any friends for my cousin?”

“I would say you are beautiful but beauty is what’s on the inside and I haven’t been there yet.”

“I’d slut you out.”

“Guess how big my dick is?”

“Have we met before? Not a pickup line. Genuinely, do I know you?”

Me- “You have really nice eyes btw.”

Him- “I’ll put you in missionary so you can look into them.”

Believe me, the only reason why a man is saying he’d slut you out at nine in the morning is because he gets to say it to you through a screen and not to your face.

Something very important I also wanted to talk about was something a guy I was talking to told me. It was a short conversation and I was at the carnival with my friends, so we didn’t talk much. I took a screenshot and left names out for obvious reasons, but he was actually extreamly sweet. And I knew I had to include this in here because I found it so interesting.

Did you read it? Good.

A man on these apps admitting that the only way to ask out a woman is in person. So what about all the women on these apps? Twenty-something man, how do you view them? I’d like to know?

Are the woman you ask out in person the ‘real women’ and the ones you meet online are well… fun? Entertainment? Not for every guy, but I think we got our answer.

So that leads me to the question, are dating apps ruining romance?

I think that dating apps to twenty-something guys are entertainment. And that’s why twenty-something woman who go on dating apps looking for love can’t find it. I think if anything, dating apps have made it easier to date assholes! Form this weird online relationship with someone and boom! They ghost you! It has made it so much easier for men to lead us on because they’re bored! They want to be entertained and we are giving them exactly what they want. But what happens when we take it away?

They use you for entertainment, but meet someone in person. That’s how it works. That’s how dating apps are ruining romance.

I find the twenty-something male mind so intriguing. Why they can’t communicate, I don’t know. Because if they’re honest, and tell you, “Hey, you’re just gonna be my side chick, and I’m not actually ever gonna meet you” you’d run! Men have always told woman what they want to hear to get what they want, doesn’t matter weather it’s online or in person. But for some reason, online is a little worse. You get attached, you form a bond with this person, they’re telling you everything you want to hear, but for some reason, they’re withholding themselves from you.

So I say we do what twenty-something men are doing; Go on dating apps for entertainment. No more attatchemnts. Leave the attachments for in person. And believe me, men you meet in person could be assholes to, but at least you could say you actually met them.

But as for me, I’m gonna see what this whole “meeting someone in person naturally” is like. And I’ll get back to you.