The UltimateTwenty-Something’s Guid To Getting Over A Breakup

When the crying is done, and you’ve finished your pint of ice cream, here are some easy steps to get through the not so easy time.

By Sophie LaRocca

Published, July 7th, 2024

(Sorry about the tacky, generic covers! I swear, I’m working on it.)

Welcome to the twenty-something’s ultimate guid to getting over that breakup. I know, I know, you’ve heard it all, I get it. But recently going through a breakup myself with my first ‘adult’ relationship, (If that’s what we want to call it) I’ve relaized that these are some things that have helped me. Because When the crying is done and you’re not so much on your death bed as you were before, but you’re not quite ready to turn the page yet… what do you do?

1.) Realize That No One Goes Through A Breakup The Same (Take Time To Grieve)

Now, as I said, I know you’ve heard it all by now. Read it all too. From your sister, to your Mother, to your friends, they’ve all told you what to do and insisted that, ‘It’s not the end of the world!’ Well, it sure does feel like it. I know. And that’s why I’m here to tell you that NO ONE goes through a breakup the same way, and that every breakup is different, therefore, you go through it differently. But that being said, you have to be ready to start getting over it. Get through that first week. Cry, eat lots of chocolate, salt, wallow, lay around, do nothing. But once the time comes that you’re tired of crying, and you’re ready to take the first step in getting over the bastard, you’ll know. Trust me. You won’t be like this forever, the tears will dry and that pit from your throat to your belly that’s just sitting there will dissipate.

So the first step is realizing that no one goes through a breakup the same, because no breakup is the same. Take time to grieve the relationship. It is the death of something, so grieve it as such. But you will know when the grieving process is over and the healing must begin. So now that we got that out of the way, here are some things that have helped me in the healing process.

2.) Spend Time With Friends/Family

I know, I know, that’s obvious. But most of the time we don’t realize until after a breakup that our friends and family took the back burner for a long time due to the relationship. (Listen, we all do it! I’m guilty of it!) But now it’s time to make up for that. The people you love were there before, and they’ll be there after. Remember that. At the end of the day, you heal yourself, but the people you love will help you get through it. Wait until you’re ready like I said, you can’t force healing if you’re not ready. But once you are, go out!

Grab some friends and go out. Dinner, drinks, movies, anything. Just get out. Getting out after a breakup is important. As silly as it sounds, it shows that the worlds still turning even though you thought yours ended. But guess what, it didn’t. And it won’t.

Believe it or not, a lot of my friends are guys, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. We went bowling the other night, and it was the most fun I’ve had since my breakup. (And if we’re being honest, the most fun I’ve had since getting into a relationship.) If you’re anything like me, you’re an extreamly anxious and paranoid person, so being in a relationship just made you even more anxious and paranoid! for the first time in months, I was able to go out with the boys and not obsessively be checking Life360, or worrying weather he was cheating, or dying! (A me problem, I get it.) But I didn’t have to worry, I didn’t have to check my phone. And the feeling was just… freeing. For the first time, it felt like it did before my ex. And it was amazing.

Even the boys noticed a change in my behavior. I was getting back to me. And for guys to notice anything, you know you’re doing something right.

I also went to the aquarium and boardwalk with my Mom and nieces. That was also the most fun I’ve had in a long time. Any time I get to spend time with my nieces is great, but something about this just felt like I was going back to the Sophie they deserve, the Sophie I deserve. The Sophie that does anything to help her neice win a prize at a boardwalk game (even if that means flirting with the guy behind the counter), the Sophie that wasn’t disgustingly anxious, so much so that everyone could see. I’ve never wanted to be a good example until I met them. Now being a good example is everything, and when they noticed I wasn’t my best or happy in a relationship, it was worrisome. So taking the time to show my older neice that the world doesn’t end after a breakup was vital, and showing my younger neice that I was ok and back to myself was even more vital. No matter how tiny or young, they want the best for you. Just as much as everyone else. And spending time with your friends and family could heal you just as much as heal them.

3.) Enter Your Elle Woods Era

This is by far the most important step. If you’ve ever watched Legally Blonde, (Which I’m assuming you have, and if you havn’t are you living under a rock?) then I’m sure you’re familiar with the infamous scene I’m about to talk about. The one where Elle finally realizes that she needs to stop trying to impress her boyfriend and get her study on. That she’s in Harvard now, and instead of being humiliated over and over again by her ex that she so despretly wanted to get back, it’s time to do something for herself. It’s time to get shit done, it’s time to become the IT girl of your dreams. It’s time to get your life together again. So get your study on!

But for this, you definitely need to have done a couple of steps below before doing so. You have to be ready to be productive, if you need more time, that’s ok! I did! But believe me, you will know when it’s time to step into this era.

After a breakup, we tend to want to prove ourselves. Why woman come out on top half the time after a breakup is because we take the time to heal. Guys don’t. They either hop into another relationship, throw themselves into work, or sleep with half of the county they live in. That’s how they think they’ll get over you. In return, they don’t end up healing at all, and that’s why it hits them after you’ve healed and why they come crawling back. Because you’ve taken the time to cry, you’ve taken the time to grieve, and they haven’t. As time passes by they have that, ‘holy shit, what did I do’ moment. Because they don’t think. And that’s why once we are in our healing era or our ‘Elle Woods Era,’ they tend to come crawling back or realize what they lost. They realize they aren’t healing like you, and they don’t understand why.

So prove yourself!

But not to them, to you. You’re in college and have a test to study for, study for it. You want a new job, go searching for it. You want to take up a new hobby, do it. Do everything you can to get what you want. Find the balance though. It can be hard, but you can do it. Everything is about you now, you don’t have another person to worry about. And although that may sound sad now, it will be so freeing later. Focus on you! We’ve all seem that famous montage scene of Elle getting her life together, ignoring all the people in her life that did her no good. Studying, working out, eating healthier, getting your hair done, painting your nails, learning to love yourself again? That’s entering your Elle Woods era. Going after what you want (not a man) and not stopping until you get it, while also learning how to take care of yourself.

4.) Do Things You Love (Yeah, I know, It’s Obvious. But just listen!)

Don’t only do things you love though, do things that you love that you haven’t done in a long time. Bake some cookies, go outside in the sun and read that book, you love to draw but haven’t done it because things have been crazy? Draw. You want to do yoga but never could find the time? Make the time. No more late night phone calls, no more responsibilities of being attached to someone. The only person you’re attached to is you now, and you need to learn to love you again.

So make the time for yourself, you’re gonna need it.

When I was in a relationship, I was always so invested in him and worried about him that I barely had any time to take care of myself. So now is the time to do that. I barley could write, and I’m a writer! So once I took my time to grieve the relationship, I got to writing. I started this blog, it was time. It was time to do all the things I loved again. You want to take that bath, you want to bake some cookies, take an hour at least a day to do something you love. Just you. It’s to take care of yourself and is a must. Curling up with a good book you’ve been meaning to read under the covers and eating some ice cream doesn’t cost a lot. Journaling, yoga, baking, art, reading, a nice long bath, watching TV. Letting yourself relax. It’s a small price to pay for your mental health.

5.) Shopping Or Pampering

Disclaimer: I am Sophie, and I am a shopaholic. There! I admitted it. I read Confessions of a Shopaholic in 6th grade and never looked back! I’m fortunate enough to be able to treat myself once and a while, but that’s my decision and my money. I’m not telling you how to spend your money at all, I’m just telling you what helped me.

Ok, maybe don’t shop as much as I did. My mistake, I’ll admit. But treating yourself to something nice that will make you smile will really help. Whether it’s a pack of gum or a pair of shoes, it doesn’t matter how much money you spent, it matters if it makes you happy. Treating yourself and shopping isn’t always going to the mall and buying a bunch of stuff, it could mean going to the local bakery and treating yourself to some cookies. Buy yourself some flowers! Doesn’t matter how little. Treat yourself.

I don’t know your financial situation, all I could tell you is what helped me. If you could afford to and you love makeup, buy yourself one piece of makeup you’ve been wanting. You love fashion, buy yourself that mini skirt you had your eye on.

As for pampering, I know that costs money too. Going to the nail and hair salon always relaxes me, but nothing compares to sitting in your room on a Friday night with a coffee and your comfort show on, painting your own nails with rollers in your hair. There is something about pampering yourself that is so special. Doing your own nails makes you feel like you’re taking care of yourself rather having someone else do it for you. Preparation for a woman is very important. We all know the infamous ‘everything shower.’ We do it before seeing a guy. Well stop! Who says an everything shower is just for seeing a guy! Have an everything shower once a week. All of it. Washing your hair, exfoliating, shaving, moisturizing, tan if you do that. Dry your hair, put some rollers in, paint your nails.

Do it for you.

Feeling your best means looking your best, so when you’re ready, get out of those dirty pajamas and get to work. But pampering yourself is a vital part of taking care of yourself. Your body is hit hard after a breakup. Now it’s time for you to take care of it.

6.) Watch Your Comfort Shows/Movies

I don’t care what you say, everyone has a comfort show. It doesn’t necessarily have to be your favorite show or movie, It just has to be a show or movie that makes you feel good.I personally wouldn’t do something like The Notebook, or something emotional, but hey! If you like that and it makes you feel good, watch it. I tend to gravitate towards shows.

The show that got me through my breakup is Sex and the City , and it still is. (Duh.) If you ask me, it’s the ideal show to get you over a breakup. It makes you feel good. It’s nostalgic, like a warm hug. It’s all about finding love and being single! My other comfort shows are my favorites as well like, American Horror Story and Stranger Things. (Don’t judge.) But sometimes, mind numbing TV is the best way to go. Reality TV specifically. My favorite, 90 Day Fiancé. I could watch it all day, and God, does it make you feel better about your relationship. TLC is a great place for reality TV that will force you to shut your brain off and transport you into someone else’s life that’s going through a lot worse than you are. Imagine being catfished by someone in the Ukraine and you had to fly their with engagement ring to find out that it was some Nigerian scammer all along? Exactly. The only rule, don’t watch something that will make you sad or that you watched with your ex.

(Watching something your celebrity crush is in couldn’t hurt either.)

7.) Don’t Get Rid Of All The Things They Gave You (Not Until You’re Ready.)

An unpopular opinion, I know. I got rid of some of the stuffed animals that my ex gave me right away because it was too painful to look at. Those are the things that you get rid of. The things too painful to look at. But some things are too special to part with. And if you are lucky enough to have had a mutual breakup, then put them aside. Although it’s painful everytime you pass by them, I promise, it will get less painful. My ex made me something, and it’s beautiful. And it shows just how much he adored me and reminds me of the beginnings of our relationship when things were easier. And when we broke up, that was something I refused to part with. He spent time on that, and I adore it. Still do. But now looking at it, I’m reminded of how desirable I am. That someone desired me enough to make me something beautiful. That took a lot of hard work.

And that he won’t be the last man to do that.

As for sweatshirts and things like that, if it was a mutual breakup, I’d give it back to each other. It’s just another painful reminder you’ll have to see. But if it was a bad breakup. Like… really bad, get rid of it. All of it. Things like abuse and cheating do not count when it comes to this rule, if your ex was abusive or a cheater, throw everything away and get rid of all their stuff. At least that’s my advice.

8.) Do Not Post On Social Media Until You Are levelheaded

This is probably one of the most important pieces of avdice that I could give you in this article and it has helped me so much. Believe me, it really has. One thing I want to tell you, there is a power in silence. A grace.

And I know what you’re thinking. Fuck silence, fuck grace! What about you though?

Do you really want to look crazy? Do you really want to say something brash that you don’t mean?

Now… there is an exception… if they cheated or were abusive, fuck them. Block them, and post as much slander as you want. In fact, post a wanted poster of them all over the city and when they’re found, collect their balls as a prize. All jokes aside though, we’re not talking about those men when it comes to the ‘not posting’ rule. We’re talking about the ones who just… well, it didn’t work out. And that’s a completely different pain. That’s exactly what happened to me, and it’s the first time that I realized in my life that love is not enough.

That a long distance relationship with someone who needs a new car and someone who doesn’t know how to drive may not work. That a long distance relationship with someone with trauma and problems bigger then the both of you can handle, may not work. That a long distance relationship with someone You were willing to give everything up for, may not work. And although I gave my all and so did he, there came a time. Possibly one of the most painful moments of my life was when I uttered those words, ‘I don’t know how much longer I could do this.’ Even more painful, when he agreed.

Knowing you loved each other and it just couldn’t work out, that’s a whole different type of pain.

Since we were both still following each other on social media, I decided to not post a thing for almost three weeks after the breakup. No reposts on TikTok, no Instagram, no snap. Instead, I decided to take my time and do the things I listed above. to be quite honest, the first couple of days, I was too much of a wreck to even go on social media. But as the time went on and I started to grieve, I still didn’t post. Even through my anger, even through my sadness. No lyrics from songs, no shade, nothing like that. And as I started to do the things above and heal, I would repost things, but rarely.

And finally after three weeks, I broke my silence with a super sexy selfie. One of my favorites actually. I went to the tiki bar that night and had a nice meal and drank with some friends. I looked good and I felt good, and a couple of weeks after the breakup, I was ready. I was levelheaded. Everyone on social media didn’t have to know I was going through a breakup. My ex stayed silent as did I. That’s the begining of healing. No slander, no back and forth. Don’t give your ex the satisfaction of showing the world how hurt you are. Instead, remain silent until you’re ready. I promise, you won’t regret it. And when you’re ready, you’ll know. So will everyone around you.

I hope this helped, at least a little. I know it was a long article, but I promise you, if you take at least one thing from this article it will help. I did tell you it was the ultimate guid, didn’t I? You’re not going through this alone, you got this! Take time to take care of yourself. There is a power in being alone and being comfortable alone. Learn how to be comfortable alone for a while. I promise, you won’t regret it.